The Tangible Affection Demonstration
by Yowzah-Shamy
Summary: Alternative ending of S07 finale. Amy wants to let go and Sheldon has to choose whether letting go or loving back.


**The Tangible Affection Demonstration**

Amy wasn't sure what to believe now. She was getting very much tired from everything. _Was it really worth it?_ She sometimes wanted to understand her boyfriend's behavior when it came to love and them. Was he afraid of commitment? Was he afraid of change? Whatever it was, each day was harder to to commit to. Being in a relationship where love wasn't given back they way it was showed always puzzled Amy. However, her love for that man was beyond understanding.

She was about to give up, she always thought they had hit an end-point when he gave a step forward. It was the small things that gave her great hope. And then, even all those small details no one could notice but her, gave reasons to trust his pace. His way of addressing her. The way he held her hand. His trust. Everything. The kissing… Out of his comfort zone, but he did it all for her.

When she thought of suggesting him about living together as Leonard promptly proposed Sheldon he was going to leave him to move in with Penny. Sheldon had come to Amy seeking comfort and a reasonable answer. For Sheldon, nobody was as smart and wise as Amy. He was afraid of change, but beyond that, he was afraid of being human. The psychic had said he needed to commit to a woman, an important woman, but he was too proud to admit the psychic was right and that woman he owed so much commitment to, was Amy.

And now, Sheldon had stormed out without leaving trace. It broke her heart, whether it was how he boorishly rejected Amy's idea and practically made her clear how he diminished a life, family and future with her. All her efforts of trying to understand Sheldon's pain caused by so much change in his life were in vain. She loved the man, but she also loved herself. Suffering for someone who didn't love you as much as you did, _was it really worth it?_

As Sheldon stormed out, she remained sitting in her living room trying to process what her boyfriend thought and said. A tear rolled through her face. Two. Three. And she cried and cried. She cried for two hours holding on to one thought:

_What's the point in loving a man that will never love me back the way I do. I wish I were more suitable for him as much as he is for me. He does things that are sacrifices to him, but won't even try to see those sacrifices I do for him. I love him, very much, but I cannot let him damage me that way. I should have retired from this battlefield when injuries weren't as irreparable as those now. I seek affection because physical affection is the greatest expression of love itself. I want to live a life with him because he is my everything. I try to comprehend his fears and embrace them, and be a part of him, but he makes it harder. The pain is too real, and time cannot erase all these tears and pain caused by loving a man I do not deserve. It makes me question the immortal am I worth of him. I still do not care at all. Love hurts and heals, but I can't keep track of all those times I have been hurt when I was supposed to be healed. And I try, I really try to love him his way, the way he probably loves me back. But I can't. _

She cleaned her face and tried to gain composure again as her phone ringed and Penny told her to go to Leonard's apartment regarding Sheldon's absence. She then found out it was Penny and Leonard had let him go. Where? Who knew. Why? An answer of the question she did not want to know after all. Sheldon called her. She spoke some words with him when he said he was ok. She had to look she was ok in front of Penny and Leonard even though she was angry at both of them as well. But she really wasn't. All of her anger was toward Sheldon and her necessity of a love he could not give her. An anger she let out by hitting Leonard with a cushion. It wasn't enough. The pain remained there. _What hurt the most? Loving, or letting go?_

She went back home and sat on her couch. She was expecting something to happen, but knew it was not going to fix all of her troubles. She went straight to bed. She wasn't even in conditions to care to change into her nightgown. She wanted to mourn her pain and let Sheldon go, but she couldn't. Then, someone knocked the door.

She opened the door and saw Penny drop by and return her her cellphone she had left it at 4A. She hugged Penny and went back inside her apartment. Her head was spinning, and couldn't stop thinking of Sheldon. She heard Sheldon's voice; she smelled Sheldon's baby powder; she saw his bright blue eyes; she saw his smile. She wanted to stop all of that.

She heard another knock at the door. Who could possibly now? She had so many things to deal with already. She kept thinking of Sheldon. She could even hear Sheldon's characteristic three knocks at the door. She wanted to let him go, but she couldn't, and it caused her much pain to know she loved a man that probably didn't love her back, and it made her feel pathetic. The knock again at the door. Sheldon's three knocks again were heard in her head.

And then, she opened the door…

"Sheldon… you're… back."

Sheldon did not say a word. Those knocks she thought were only product of her imagination, were real. She really heard him knock. and now, he was standing in front of her not being able to say a single word to her. He could barely look her in the eyes.

"Amy…" he managed to say. Her eyes filled with tears. She wished she knew if they were tears of happiness, or anger, or love, or pain.

"How dare you come here after what you did today? Why do you always treat me like if I am someone else and not the woman that loves you. It causes me pain to try to understand you and see that all my efforts are in vain! You, of all people who should show empathy to me, are the the first to hurt me. And it truly hurts. It hurts loving someone who doesn't love you back that way. And I am sorry, but I try, I do try. And I need to show you my affection and love in the greatest expression. And it is hard not to ask for physical intimacy, whether it is hand holding, a hug, a kiss or even love making. But I know you, and I do not push you somewhere I know you won't be comfortable going. ALL OUT OF LOVE! And it hurts, Sheldon, it hurts me to try when you only mock me and make me feel bad."

"Amy, please… don't, I… I…" He said before his eyes also filled with tears. Inside him, there was a mixture between the urges of running away and holding on to her. He was afraid, but he was not going to lose the most valuable thing he could ever have in life: her…

"No. I won't shed one more tear for you. I am tired. You think everytime I try to get intimate with you is only because I wish to please my basic urges? How cheap do think I am? Do not even answer that. All I ever wanted to do you by suggesting we moved in together was to avoid you the tedious process of searching someone suitable for you as roommate because I know you hate change, and I tried to diminish that pain. Why, Sheldon? Why did I fell in love with such a great man that I cannot love the way that man loves me. And I am sorry. For you, for me, for everything… and this is when everything changes for good."

"Amy…" He said, trying to avoid crying.

"Sheldon, don't." she immediately said as she noticed he was fighting his emotions back. She wasn't sure to be able to tell him this was it. He was going to have his life back and she was not going to interfere with his life.

"No, I have to… Please… allow me…" he said as he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. Amy tensed up in fear he was tense by doing that, but relaxed as she noticed how he also relaxed as they both touched and connected. "I have been a complete idiot not realising what I have in my life." Amy felt a strange sensation inside her, what was he saying? What was he speaking of? It couldn't be. The man who was never going to admit something so mundane as love.

And then she said: "I know, and I am sorry, it hurts both of us and I will not allow myself to interfere you with such wishes and the prestige you will always get with your intelligence and life; but me, I should learn to let go…"

"No."

"No? But…" He hushed her by timidly pressing his fingers on her mouth and said to her: "You are right. It is not you, it was me." She dropped some tears he cleaned with his thumb.

"No, that is not what I meant, I meant..I..." she said softly. And Sheldon said to her: "it has always been my fault I can't give you what you deserved."

Amy interrupted him and said: "No, I cannot force you to do something I want and you don't, and it is the reason I should let you go. If all, it was my fault to believe I could change who you are just for my pleasure of getting some love I can't have… what is wrong with me! … "

"Nothing. You're perfect." Sheldon interrupted her.

He grabbed her other hand and gently pressed his lips on her forehead. "You are the most perfect human being I have ever known. And it is my fault I could never see that as I do today, Amy."

"Sheldon, but…"

"Nothing, Amy. You are the most important person in my life, and I wish to certainly have you by my side the rest of my life. I was a fool to think my place is not next to you. And I am sorry I wasn't able to see it before."

Amy couldn't speak. He moved forward and remained much more closer to her. Bodies lingering together. Sheldon continued: "I was not able to man up before, but here I stand before you. When I lay foot on that train to nowhere, the first thing it came to my mind was you. The kiss on that train to Napa Valley. I had so many fond memories of that place it was the train I subconsciously chose when I wanted to escape from reality. You never left my mind. I was angry with myself because I knew that my girlfriend loves me so much she wanted to move in with me, and I was so angry I wasn't able to say that I love you as well because I was so afraid of a paradigm shift in my life. And yes, I knew since the time I left you here I was going to miss you the most because I do, I really do love you, and I didn't make the time nor chance to tell you that I love you, and you are the most important and valuable person in all my life."

"Oh, Sheldon…" she said as he slowly drifted to her and pressed his lips into hers and kissed. He fondly caressed her and gazed into her eyes. "Thank you for loving me with quirks and all… I has been pointed out to me it isn't an easy task."

"Sheldon, don't say that. You know when it comes to us, everything else does not matter after all. You are the most amazing man I have ever met, after all. Whether others see it or not; whether you see it or not, is irrelevant, because I love you, I do." Amy finished saying as she remained in Sheldon arms.

"I am sorry for causing you so much pain. Can you forgive me?" Sheldon said.

"You are always and completely forgiven, Sheldon." Amy said. "I am sorry for being so harsh on you before, I wasn't aware of everything the way I do today. Things really do change from no on."

"Amy, I have a request…" Sheldon said.

"Yes?"

"Will you please make me the honor of being my roommate?"

"Sheldon?"

"Yes…?"

"Do you really find it necessary to ask that when the answer is very obvious?" she said, smiling.

"Well, due to the fact that I _will_ propose to you more requests in our impending future together, and even though I hate pointing out the obvious, when it comes to you, my love, I truly do enjoy stating what we both know... so, yes." he said.

"Yes?" she said.

"Yes." he said.

And they kissed that night. Very much. Nothing else happened. They took things at their own pace.


End file.
